Two things I discovered today;

1. It feels good to be loved, especially the unconditional kind! I got home this evening and my two kids - my 3 year old daughter and 9 month old son - were both all over me. Siting and Jumping on my laps, hugging me, giving me lots of pecks on my cheeks and forehead and just cooing, and chattering all at the same time. Felt so nice being wanted and being the centre of attention of such innocent hearts and minds. Love you guys!

2. And the other thing? Well, just realised I've lost something very dear to me and had it for a while too. I guess nothing good lasts forever. They say that good things never come easy, well letting go of good things is even harder.

two years

I have been married for exactly two years today. Its not a bad feeling. Its been a good two years too though with quite a few turbulent events. But all in all, I can confidently say to all my single friends that marriage isn't one instituition to be scared of.

Happy anniversary!

skate

guess what? i like skating! and i just discovered this last week, Thursday to be precise but tried it again on Friday. But it is a wonderful experience, didnt think i'd enjoy it so much. Wasnt all glee though, fell four times! and my wrists hurt (always land with my hands instead of my behind!)

My wrists ache though. A lot of hard landings on my hands but just a few falls cushioned by my bum. I'm going to get a pair for myself...

offloading thoughts

Stuff on my mind. Not too happy (though not sad either). Though nothing serious, just a collection of plenty small stuff made me moody yesterday.

Work is annoying, sent 3 things to my divisional head for approval and she sent them all back. Just annoying cos with her these things (facilities) always take soooo long. So much back and forth and plenty of immaterial issues. Not getting any support or encouragement from her (never did and never expected anyway) but just don’t like when work takes sooo long.

Haven't been feeling too good. feel weak this morning just like yesterday morning. Mite feel better later in the day though. Have a feeling the malaria is still lurking beneath somewhere in my bloodstream

Sore throat is back since day before yesterday. Not any worse today but not much better either. I can live with it though, have some strepsil-like drug I’m licking…

My asshole hurts! (Funny but true). Used the loo quite a bit yesterday (3 times in the office and once at the gym in the morn) and the toilet rolls were much too abrasive for my sensitive behind. Been sore since yesterday. Now I'll b scared to use the loo if I can't rinse with water. Ouch!

Not happy with my finances, so many expenses. No savings. There's always something to spend money on, the expenses never end! And important stuff that cant b avoided! Definitely need an alternative source of income. Cant continue living from hand to mouth man...

Need plenty sleep. Feel weak and tired but think I've said this b4. That I'm repeating it probably means its very important! Bed bed bed or better still, a looong vacation! Cant wait

Last (that I can remember) but definitely not the least; my body's not getting as much sex as my brain demands. Undersexed. I'm very sure its affecting my psyche, physically too but that claim will prompt argument (afterall hardons don't come as often as they used to. Isn't that enuf evidence?). I tend to have more sex in my mind than I do in real life. Not good and not me. I love sex, I love everything abt it, the thot of me havin sex turns me on, I love beautiful humans of the opposite sex. Cant imagine a life without it. Sex is one thing I'm always game for in any mood, condition or time (add xbox to this list). Happy or sad, sick or healthy, morn or nite, jobless or not, its an activity for all seasons and always brings joy to my heart and mind (and loins)

Would b ashame if my body tuned off from it....

Scary thot

Just offloading my thots.

ahardon

When you start to prefer fantasy to reality then there's a problem. A major mental and psychological problem. Whether its a case of one prefering to immerse one's self in an xbox gameworld, or fantasizing about mega riches you wish you had (of which is impossible especially with this kind of daydreaming), or in that silly cocoon where you foolishly pretend all is well and the world is a fair place. I could go on and on..... There are all kinds of fantasies we have that are not of the sexual type (though mine tend to be of a sexual nature!). I was masturbating when I though about this and now its all over and I dont get the point anymore.

Just kidding about the wanking though.

Any thoughts for today? from yesterday? There have been several, so i'll just have several bite sized posts rather than one looong monologue....

In the papers today was an article about a guy being arraigned in court over theft of N100 slippers. Can you beat that. When millions and billions are being creamed off the national cake every minute, we actually worry our heads over N100 slippers? Simply ludicrous and the silliest people are the idiots that actually arrested him (they obviously are jobless policemen) and the idiot judge that will waste his time hearing such a case (obviously jobless to with misplaced priorities!) Nuff said.

One of my several alter egos was around this morning. He's a Middle Easternish kind of guy. I call him Ahardon. Hit me hard this morning. Hope he comes round this evening....

Worried about work and have a feeling the clock is ticking on my job on this desk. Have an ill feeling that the end is nigh. Some other dude in my division was eased out yesterday because of none performance. I just might be next....

Still trying to come up with a Plan B. I cant understand why I dont have a clue what it is I should be doing. The only thing i'm sure about is this very korokoro job is definitely not for me. I've always wanted to get into public service though. Politics? Civil Service? How do I start? ideas would be welcome.

morning cool

Was going to title this morning's blog morning erection (imagine) but didn't as that title doesn't quite capture the entirety of how I feel this morning. Woke up horny as I do most mornings. Truth be told, I've been horny since last night but didn't get 'any', still haven't gotten any. I find it strange that I'm married and getting laid isn't as straight forward as one would expect. Wonder if you find it strange too. Well, I guess that's one of the mysteries of marriage. Not really a mystery though, my libido and that of my better half are not quite operating at the same level. Not even close I suspect. Get by somehow. Anyways, had to get my horny lazy butt outta bed to get to the gym (did I mention I go to the gym every weekday morning? Well, I do! I sense you are green with envy :) just trying to keep the six pack, hehe). Drove without air conditioning and had the windows down (still have a cough and catarrh) and it was quite a thrill. Radio was off too so it was just me, the road, the breeze and my thoughts and it felt soo good. Enjoyed the ride to the island this morning. The fact that today is one of my favorite days of the week might have accounted for some of the euphoric pheeling! Now if only I could get me 'some' this morning! Wouldn't that be a real thrill!

Final note before I leave you this morning to go, ahem, work out... I don't actually work out every morning, infact, I haven't worked out in over a month! Its just more convenient to wake up and come to the island without traffic and still get to rest or chill or workout for like an hour before I hit the shower. The worry of work doesn't inspire the muscle man in me.

Have a good day detavil...

matey

Went out marketing again today as I usually do. One of the few things worty of note that happened today though was an encounter with one of my customers who also happened to be an alumnus of Great Ife. I handle his company account but had not yet met him in the entire one year that I've been in the unit so today's visit was to be my first time meeting him. He's a young enough fellow, probably mid thirties and I was already gearing to shower him with 'yes sir' thank you sir' how is business sir' that I typically use for all my customers. I noticed quite a number of award plaques from different organisations - several youth organisations, one for his MBA and the one that sparked my curiosity the most, from Obafemi Awolowo University or as I prefer to call it in the few times I feel unwarrantedly proud of my school 'Great Ife'. Of course in trying to win business, we marketers try almost everything to get close to a customer so naturally I played the alma mater card. And as expected, he brightened up and we exchanged the usual pleasantries. Sure you are wondering where all this is going but have a bit of patience okay and we'll get there in a bit. So he asks me what year I finished, I answered with '2001' and he's like 'wow! That's the year I finished too!'.

!!!!! Well??? You don't get it? Okay, I might have missed out on some background. This customer is an architect. He has his own architectural firm. He owns the building where his office is (3-storey building on a standard size plot of land that has the offices on the ground floor and 5 residential apartments that are close to upper class standard. Did I mention swimming pool). The company has lots of projects in progress and in the works and of course the account has done reasonable turnover with the bank (which is why I was even giving the time of day in the first place). So u can imagine my surprise when I learnt we finished in the same year. People, my biggest achievement to date as per asset acquisition is a plot of land at Ajah.! We frigging finished in the same year! If this isn't a wake up call or a wake up slap for that matter, I don't know what is. I was in silent shock, and awe for this young gentleman who had all this and peace of mind. I don't want to state the obvious but I had nothing and no peace of mind. What kind of life am I living? I soooo envied his small and simple but nicely decorated office and wished I was the one sitting behind that desk. Ohhhh, I soo wished I was the one sitting behind that desk!

Well, the rest of the meeting was typical, talked about his business, charges on his account, mutual friends etc. The crux of the matter, the koko of the matter as I more often say is that I need to be that guy sitting behind that desk revelling in that kind of peace of mind! No targets, no threats, no sleepless nights or early mornings or slaved life. That life will not be achieved by all the talk in this world! Action must be taken! And the first step I'm taking towards achieving this is going to bed right now! Think with a clear head in the morn. Plan B and C must come to birth. Enough said!

Definitely an opinion to sleep on...

worried

Rainy night. Almost midnight and the rain is kinda heavy. Wish I could open the windows and let the cool air in without getting drenched. My wife is fast asleep beside me, been since 10pm that I got in from work. I on the other hand am tired but wide awake. I had to make my own dinner of course (noodles) as everyone's fast asleep.

But of course the reason I cannot sleep as usual is because of worrying about work. I'm so maddeningly far away from my target and it seems there's gonna be no respite. I can't get any new customers and the existing ones do not seem to have any transactions. Its depressing.

afterthot

I forgot to mention I lost my job last friday over something not too smart that I did. Luckily I unlost the job later that same day. Funny thing is, my first thought when I was asked to resign wasn't 'shit I lost my job' but 'shit I don't frigging have a plan B!' My boss and my boss's boss had to plead on my behalf to the boss's boss's boss who had done the sacking.

Lesson learnt: have a plan B, that's one. Two, don't do unsmart stuff! Goes without saying yeah? Well apparently not. Need to be way more careful now as I'm treading a very thin line now. Remember I said I'm under pressure due to underperformance. Anyways, lesson learnt. Plan B is very important, if possible have a Plan C as well!. So far your daily bread comes from someone else, know that you could wake up one day and the baker will decide to stop providing you that bread! I'm looking to set up my own bakery if you get what i mean. Need ideas and inspiration though.

Day One

Why do we humans seem to have this need to put down our thoughts? Not all homo sapiens you say? Anyways, I do. My heart tells me it'll be kind of therapeutic. So hear goes, Detavil's thoughts and opinions in print (yeah whatever, on screen)....

A bit about myself; i'm 33, an easy going fellow, married with two kids and work in a good bank. That's what you see on the outside. On the inside however, I hate my job and want so much more from life than i'm presently getting. Guess we'll get to know these things as time goes on, and you get to know me.

Work today has been 'just there'. Not achieving much and so much pressure to deliver. I think I stepped into shoes bigger than I could fit into. Where am I going to find business and transactions and customers???? Need divine intervention.

Speaking of which, my transgressions are likely the reason why i'm not getting lucky (read blessed) with much these days. Need to clean up my act and stop succumbing.

my thoughts come faster than I can type, wish i could just think and have the words appear on the screen.

I'm hungry and I think this is quite enough for a first attempt, i'm still shy (lol). Just my opinion....